It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
