Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
