I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
