What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
