you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
