Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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