Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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