I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
