He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
