Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
