Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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