So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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