Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he was CRYING into my vagina
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
