I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
