went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
