I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
