some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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