I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
