I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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