my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
