Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
