wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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