Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
