Whod you bang
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
