How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
