My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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