That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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