Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
