is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
