It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
