Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Come see our sink grown plant.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
