roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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