So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
