you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
