Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
