Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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