Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
a search helicopter?!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
