thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
