My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
