Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cockslap morals
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
