I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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