Nicole vs. Life
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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