9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
