id be glad to
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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