We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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