WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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