I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
this boner is exhausting
Operation Purity has been aborted
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
