thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
