dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
