Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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