so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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